Friday Funnies

Time for the eldest to take a turn! C is quite hard to describe in a blog. You really have to know him to get how funny he is. First of all, he's not really 7; he's 80. He's been 80 for a few years now. Also, he is insanely intelligent. This wonderful gift is still quite unwieldy in his immature character. Based on his limited experience, he knows everything and can deduce the outcome of most any situation (even if that means he has to change his answer to be correct). Believe me, we're working on it! Anyway, his pride does lead him into so very funny back-pedaling situations that would rival any spin-doctors or political pundits or completely erroneous statements said with amazing confidence!

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Me: C, it's time for bath. Head to the bathroom.
C: Moooom, I don't want to bathe.
Me: I know, buddy, most elementary school boys don't want to bathe.
C: I am NOT an elementary school boy!
Me: You're not? Why don't you go get that dictionary and look up "elementary".
C: [looking up the word, read the definition] "Pertaining to the first 6 or 8 grades of school, sometimes including kindergarten."
Me: What are the first 6 grades? And what grade are you in?
C: Well, 1st-6th and I'm in 1st, but I'm not in elementary school.
Me: Really, how's that.
C: Well, Central Christian School isn't an elementary school. It's not called that. And, I'm not there right now. So I'm not technically in elementary school.
(Can't you just see the future debate society leader? Technically? Really? We shot him down and got him in the bath.)

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Annalise is chewing on anything she can find. One day Chase was taking things out of her mouth every few seconds. He finally says, "Mom, I think Annalise needs to be called [leans back, lifts one knee, and puts up 'air quotes'] "The Chewer". He thought he was so funny, he has said it to every person he's met this week. Ahh, to be seven.

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"Mom, when I'm ten. I'll have probably had Chinese food like a thousand times."

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C was reading aloud from The Magician's Nephew. He read the description of Uncle Andrew who has "long, white fingers" and he stops.
C: Mom, it's because he has diarrhea.
Me: WHAT?!
C: Well, in our Moses story, God told Moses to but his hand into his cloak and it came out 'white as snow'. It was because he had diarrhea.
Me: Honey, it was like he had leprosy, not diarrhea. And Uncle Andrew's fingers are white because he's pale. He spent all his time in the attic without sun.
C: Well, he couldn't be so white if he lived in this house, that's for sure! We have too many windows.