Patience & Forgiveness

It's been a very trying month. The kids have been chomping at the bit to get back to school and I have been missing the forced routine of it all. Michael has been in the process of getting a new job all while his current job is demanding more & more. We've traveled across the state & across the country for big family events; and I've been sick for 2 weeks. Lots of difficult scenery through which to negotiate the already difficult play of parenting.

These are some of my discoveries this month.

Laughing it off works sometimes
Michael was working late & I was bathing the kids; things were not going smoothly. No one had napped that day & everyone was on edge. I was standing next to the tub, holding Chase's towel, and I asked him to get out of the tub. He looked at me like I was speaking French. "Get out of the tub, Chase," a bit irritated this time. Again, dumb-founded look as if this request were strange & bizarre. "GET OUT OF THE TUB!" Yes, I'm yelling now. Now Chase is frozen with confusion. In a nanosecond, I'm thinking, "This is a brilliant child. How can he not understand this simple direction? He's not being defiant, he's looking literally confused. How is this possible?" Then I feel the absolute ridiculousness of the situation. My bright, naked, almost 6 year old, standing in the tub, confused about what to do when bath time is over. So I just had to laugh. I put his towel over his head, roughed up his hair & pushed him in the water as if we were at the pool. We just fell apart into giggles. I still don't know what the problem was, but I do know that the time bomb of anger was diffused by a bit of playfulness. I'm thinking that worked out much better than the road of frustration and hostility we were on. Chase thought it was so funny that I pushed him, with his towel, into the tub. We just laughed & laughed while we finished getting ready for bed.

Asking for forgiveness from your child opens hearts
Stuart, Lord love him, is a lot like me—easily distracted. You would think I would have so much patience for his eccentricities & tangents...not so much. This same evening (before the giggling bath incident) Stuart was preparing his backpack for the next day. He just couldn't find his backpack. It was hanging on the hook where he left it after school, right where it was supposed to be. All he needed to do was put his folder in the backpack. That's it; easy, right? No. He roamed the house looking for his backpack, which I had told him where it was, and couldn't find it. Now I'm thinking, "It would be so much easier if I just did it for him. No, he'll never learn if I do if for him. He can do this." So I hear the front door open & he's leaving the house to look for his backpack. Now, I'm livid! I grab his hand and pull him into the house & slam the door behind us and scream, "YOUR BACKPACK IS RIGHT THERE! PUT YOUR FOLDER IN IT!!!!!!!" I immediately realize I'm out-of-line and I've gone too far. Stuart is wide-eyed and about to cry. We get the folder in the backpack & I take his hand and we walk to his room. I get on his level & look at his eyes and say, "Stuart, I'm so sorry I yelled at you and slammed the door. I shouldn't have let me anger control me. Will you forgive me?" In my head I'm wanting to make all the excuses, "If you would have just done what I asked, or simply followed the directions earlier" but none of that mattered. The truth was, I let my emotions dictate how I related to my child and that needed an apology. He immediately softened and gave me a hug and said "Yes, I forgive you, mama." The surprise to me was how much better I felt. I needed to apologize for me just as much as for him. I really could have done some damage to his little heart had I not apologized. I'm not saying I get it right all the time, but I'm so thankful that's where God lead me that night, because Stuart & I are closer for it.

Teaching takes patience (even when they already know what to do, sometimes they forget)
If you've ever met Chase, you'll know he's a bright child. This can cause me a lot of problems because I will except things from him that his intelligence may be able to handle, but his emotional or physical maturity may not. We were cleaning up his art kit and he was trying to organize it so it wasn't just a trash pit of papers, tape, scraps, & scissors. We were working together & I was getting frustrated because he just wasn't getting how to do it. My frustration came from, "but we've done this before". That's when I had to stop myself and realize I needed to reteach and offer some immediate practice. Even when he knows what to do, sometimes he honestly can't make it all fit together. Parenting is so much about teaching and that simply takes patience. I would really like a 'one lesson and then we're done for the rest of your childhood,' but that's not reality! Repetition is a key to learning. Repetition is key to learning. Repetition is key to learning. (I'm just reminding myself!) One of my issues is that as an adult, repetition seems like such a waste of time. But then I remember, what is the point of my time with them—to teach them! And guess what, repetition is key to learning. So again, God builds my character as I train my kids.

Just my little discoveries about being a parent. I'm sure I'll forget and God, in His great patience, will laugh and allow me the opportunity to repeat the lesson.

Just some shorts

I've been thinking about lots of serious parenting issues, but it's been a busy month, so, here's just a few short, funny things.

Chase had a watermelon lollipop from Trader Joe's and he told me, "It has hint of lemon in it. Not a lot, just like the size of the pink part of a cow's nose."

I was telling Michael at dinner one night about a teenager who'd forgotten their luggage on a trip and the parents were going to buy them some new clothes. Michael tells the kids, "You all forget your luggage at 17, I'm not buying you new clothes!" The boys look clueless and Sabrina says, "I get clothes?" (I think she missed the point!)

Stu loves "playing" Candyland. He doesn't actually play by the rules. By himself, he uses the cards and the plastic guys like army men. "You, green guy, go here, and yellow guy, stay over here."

Also, here's a picture from the first day of school

Strong Boys

As we were leaving the Y yesterday, I was eating a protein bar after lifting weights.
Chase: What are you eating?
Me: A protein bar.
Chase: Why?
Me: Because I just lifted weights & my muscles need some protein.
Chase: Yeah, because lifting weights break down your muscles and you need the protein to build them back up.
Me: Uh, yes, that's right. (Thinking, where did you learn that? Have I said that before?)

Later that afternoon, the boys got out some 5lbs weights in my room while I was working in there. They lifted their little hearts out: over their heads, bicep curls, tricep kickbacks...it was so funny. Then their arms got a little tired, and Chase exclaims, "I've lifted a lot, I need a smoothie now!" Stuart says, "Yeah, I need a banana smoothie. My muscles need protein."
So yes, for snack we had chunky monkey smoothies (yogurt, milk, banana, chocolate syrup, & flax seed!)

Well, maybe some healthy lifestyle habits will continue with these funny boys.

My first experience of "You're Wearing That?"

Sunday morning Chase decided to choose his own outfit. This isn't unusual; he picks his clothes most days. But today, oh my, today, it was something else.
First of all, he wanted to wear a short-sleeved, button-down oxford shirt. No big deal, sage green with navy and white stripes. He paired that with navy dress shorts. Still very nice. Well here comes the 'accessories'! First a sage tie...yes, a neck-tie. For traditional churches, normal, for Jubilee, "Nice to meet you."
Well, then the icing on the cake was the cream-colored, navy and brown argyle dress socks pulled up to his knees with his dirty brown tennis shoes! I came through the living and saw the complete outfit and had to grab the wall to keep from laughing. He was dead serious and so proud of himself!
The day before, the boy was on the farm in cut-offs, soaking wet, and covered in mud from tip to toe. This morning, he was Mid-West version of a scrubbed clean, war-time English school boy.

I know there are far worse things that he could be wearing and there will be many other things we'll face in the future. But this morning was my first chance to practice letting the little things go and be thankful he was excited to be going to church and was practicing Ps. 121:3-4
But that doesn't mean I didn't giggle every time I thought of those knee socks!

Life in the Spirit Leads to a Missional Home

Hopefully my title will hint to me—and any of the rest of you who read this crazy recording of events in the Whitmer household—that this entry isn't typical for this blog. Also, this is a long one. I do have to lay some of the blame squarely at the feet of Michael for insisting that I write this blog.

I've been praying for the salvation of my children since they were doing somersaults in amniotic fluid. I pray lots of other things for my children, but salvation was one of the first things I started praying. [I will include a couple resources on prayer at the end] Before this summer began, I was asking God for some goals for the summer, for him to direct our activities that would fill the long days of summer without school. During that time of prayer, I felt like I should pray specifically for Chase's salvation this year. So, I've been praying that.

Yesterday, I wanted to put everyone down for a nap, even though Chase doesn't really take naps anymore. We 'rest'; basically, that's so I can have 30 minutes of silence during the day! Anyway, I felt like the Holy Spirit told me to keep Chase up and chat with him about the Gospel. Now, I was tired. I wanted to nap! Nevertheless, I strongly felt the Holy Spirit saying, "Keep him up and talk with him."

So I did. We both settled into different books to read for a bit and then I asked him about his memory verse for VBS today. 1 Peter 3:18 "For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God." He recited it (the kid has an amazing memory!) and we talked about the different facets of the verse.
Who died? Jesus
For what? for our sins
For whom? all
Who's all? all people
What does righteous mean? being perfect to God
Who is righteous? Jesus
Who is unrighteous? Chase immediately said, "Me!" I had to bite my tongue to not say "amen!"
How many times did he die? just once
Why did he die? To bring us to God
Why does Jesus have to bring us to God? Because we have sinned and Jesus is the only one who is perfect. Chase remembered some verses he's memorized John 14:6 & Romans 3:23 He used their meanings in our chat!

Lest you have a Rockwellian vision of this discussion—the child is in his boxer briefs, squirming all over and I'm talking to his bum more that his face. He's got his books piled on a upside down laundry basket, kicking them off and then asking why they're are falling off. Yet, despite this body language, he listening and answering and engaged in the conversation!

So then I read him Romans 10:9-10 That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.

We started talking about that verse. Basically we believe in our heart first and then say what we believe with our mouth. So I asked Chase if he'd like to do that. I would pray with you if you want to make Jesus Lord, the boss of your life. Do you want to do that?

I know you're all waiting with baited breath, but he said no. I told him that if you ever want to, Mommy & Daddy will pray with you anytime. And then once you do, you can be baptized. He got very excited about that and so then he had a lot of questions about baptism. I asked again, and he thought for a second and said, "No. Not yet." So then we went on with our day, reading and playing and stuff. And then went on to a very frustrating evening with Michael working late and a leadership meeting, but that's another story!

But here's the point. Jesus said in Acts 1:8 "You will receive power when the Spirit comes on you, to be my witness in Jerusalem..." My children are my closest 'Jerusalem'. My preaching to them is mostly with my life because I spend more time with them than anyone else. Yet, yesterday, I listened to the Spirit, and by His grace, obeyed, and I received power—not just in the form of energy, because remember, I wanted to nap—but in words to communicate the amazing truth of Justification & Salvation in Christ to a 5 year old boy whom God has given me the amazing privilege to care for. Our mission, the mission of the church, is to make disciples. I don't want to neglect a lost world for the sake of my children, but it is just as much of a shame to neglect my children for the sake of a lost world.

What now? I keep asking to be filled with the Spirit so that I will glorify Jesus in my life and I keep praying for God to open the eyes of my children's heart, that they will be connected to Jesus; then that they too, will be filled with the Spirit to connect people to Jesus.


Resources that I have found helpful and have influenced my thinking on prayer:
John Lanferman's Message on Prayer 27 July 08
Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian
The Most Important Place on Earth by Roger Wolgemuth

Long Day

Today was a long day with the kids. We just had a lot of testing.
Stuart, in particular, had a hard time. By then end of the day he just couldn't be still. This video is of him in time out (after pouring water on Michael). I could barely keep from laughing. So he went from shooting Spider Man webs to singing "Go home with Bonnie Jean".



Chase then wrote this note to Michael and slipped it underneath the door about an hour after bedtime.

"Dear Dad I Love You!
I HoPe You Have
A Nise [nice]
time
at wrok! [work]
Love
CHASE
P.S.
Write me a letter after you have reed [read] this one.

Summer Fun

Just some fun pictures from the last couple days