Patience & Forgiveness

It's been a very trying month. The kids have been chomping at the bit to get back to school and I have been missing the forced routine of it all. Michael has been in the process of getting a new job all while his current job is demanding more & more. We've traveled across the state & across the country for big family events; and I've been sick for 2 weeks. Lots of difficult scenery through which to negotiate the already difficult play of parenting.

These are some of my discoveries this month.

Laughing it off works sometimes
Michael was working late & I was bathing the kids; things were not going smoothly. No one had napped that day & everyone was on edge. I was standing next to the tub, holding Chase's towel, and I asked him to get out of the tub. He looked at me like I was speaking French. "Get out of the tub, Chase," a bit irritated this time. Again, dumb-founded look as if this request were strange & bizarre. "GET OUT OF THE TUB!" Yes, I'm yelling now. Now Chase is frozen with confusion. In a nanosecond, I'm thinking, "This is a brilliant child. How can he not understand this simple direction? He's not being defiant, he's looking literally confused. How is this possible?" Then I feel the absolute ridiculousness of the situation. My bright, naked, almost 6 year old, standing in the tub, confused about what to do when bath time is over. So I just had to laugh. I put his towel over his head, roughed up his hair & pushed him in the water as if we were at the pool. We just fell apart into giggles. I still don't know what the problem was, but I do know that the time bomb of anger was diffused by a bit of playfulness. I'm thinking that worked out much better than the road of frustration and hostility we were on. Chase thought it was so funny that I pushed him, with his towel, into the tub. We just laughed & laughed while we finished getting ready for bed.

Asking for forgiveness from your child opens hearts
Stuart, Lord love him, is a lot like me—easily distracted. You would think I would have so much patience for his eccentricities & tangents...not so much. This same evening (before the giggling bath incident) Stuart was preparing his backpack for the next day. He just couldn't find his backpack. It was hanging on the hook where he left it after school, right where it was supposed to be. All he needed to do was put his folder in the backpack. That's it; easy, right? No. He roamed the house looking for his backpack, which I had told him where it was, and couldn't find it. Now I'm thinking, "It would be so much easier if I just did it for him. No, he'll never learn if I do if for him. He can do this." So I hear the front door open & he's leaving the house to look for his backpack. Now, I'm livid! I grab his hand and pull him into the house & slam the door behind us and scream, "YOUR BACKPACK IS RIGHT THERE! PUT YOUR FOLDER IN IT!!!!!!!" I immediately realize I'm out-of-line and I've gone too far. Stuart is wide-eyed and about to cry. We get the folder in the backpack & I take his hand and we walk to his room. I get on his level & look at his eyes and say, "Stuart, I'm so sorry I yelled at you and slammed the door. I shouldn't have let me anger control me. Will you forgive me?" In my head I'm wanting to make all the excuses, "If you would have just done what I asked, or simply followed the directions earlier" but none of that mattered. The truth was, I let my emotions dictate how I related to my child and that needed an apology. He immediately softened and gave me a hug and said "Yes, I forgive you, mama." The surprise to me was how much better I felt. I needed to apologize for me just as much as for him. I really could have done some damage to his little heart had I not apologized. I'm not saying I get it right all the time, but I'm so thankful that's where God lead me that night, because Stuart & I are closer for it.

Teaching takes patience (even when they already know what to do, sometimes they forget)
If you've ever met Chase, you'll know he's a bright child. This can cause me a lot of problems because I will except things from him that his intelligence may be able to handle, but his emotional or physical maturity may not. We were cleaning up his art kit and he was trying to organize it so it wasn't just a trash pit of papers, tape, scraps, & scissors. We were working together & I was getting frustrated because he just wasn't getting how to do it. My frustration came from, "but we've done this before". That's when I had to stop myself and realize I needed to reteach and offer some immediate practice. Even when he knows what to do, sometimes he honestly can't make it all fit together. Parenting is so much about teaching and that simply takes patience. I would really like a 'one lesson and then we're done for the rest of your childhood,' but that's not reality! Repetition is a key to learning. Repetition is key to learning. Repetition is key to learning. (I'm just reminding myself!) One of my issues is that as an adult, repetition seems like such a waste of time. But then I remember, what is the point of my time with them—to teach them! And guess what, repetition is key to learning. So again, God builds my character as I train my kids.

Just my little discoveries about being a parent. I'm sure I'll forget and God, in His great patience, will laugh and allow me the opportunity to repeat the lesson.